My Healing Journey

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While we are growing and maturing in life we are all at different stages of our healing. I really liked how a recent blog I read by Jason at Freetheanger.com, who writes and blogs about mental health and personal growth through his journey, puts it. We go through shifts and stages in our lives that propel us to a deeper healing and better understanding of life.

He called it the three stages of maturing. Some of us have heard of the three stages as childhood, adulthood and old age. But this reference is more about the mental stages in life that may not always be aligned with age but more with knowledge and wisdom.

Stage 1: This is the external stage where we explore and develop our lives from the outside. Our careers, friends, social groups, material possessions and how we describe and see ourselves in this form. This is the time of our lives where we are going out a lot perhaps in our mid to late 20’s when we are establishing the ideal “me” and who we are as a person, our roles, what we like and dislike, prefer and believe in. We may be thinking about marriage or may already have married and started a family. This is a mental stage of our perceptions of us and the outside world.

Stage 2: Is the inner exploration stage. It can be anywhere from 30’s-50’s. This is where we may do a deeper dive –and I say “may” because not everyone chooses to make these shifts depending on someone’s mindset to want to mature through life. This is a stage where we start to question our life and our purpose in it. We may have thought that the things we achieved in stage one will make us feel complete and happy but we feel lost and confused while continuing our search for more.  We may have gone through something difficult in our life like a breakup, a divorce, an illness, a loss of a loved one, battling with addiction or something that made us want to ask deeper questions. At this point we may find ourselves searching for answers and trying to understand the bigger picture. We may do this through therapy, Yoga, or in religion to start the search within.

Stage 3:  This is the understanding stage or as others may call it the spiritual awakening stage where we come to an understanding of our higher self. In this stage there are many stages –I believe 6 or 7 with the ultimate stage being of being enlighten–what Buddhist call dharma. This stage is very difficult to achieve even by those who practice Buddhism for many years. Common people like you or me that may have a daily mindfulness practice or a yogi lifestyle may enter or experience moments of enlightenment. No one can be in a constant stage of enlightenment unless you are God. So, accepting that this is a way of life and that we are imperfect humans is very important in our healing journey.

So where am I am in my healing? It’s hard to say as every day I have different experiences. I have definitely entered stage 2. I started searching for these answers 2 years ago and 6 months ago went through a big shift in life  that push me to an even deeper healing. I know life, circumstances, and experiences will push me to deepen my healing and understanding through my journey in Life.

I am hopeful as I now have the tools to guide me and I know there is so much I still have to learn and experience in my life. Gaining a deeper awareness of myself and healing old wounds that stem from my childhood have brought me to an awakening of the meaning of my life. To me this is a deeper meaning of myself, who I am, who I want to be and how I want to live my life. I don’t have all the answers but I know I don’t need them all right now. The answers will come to me as God sees fit for me and the path he wants me to take. The path of least resistance, the path of highest good.

Namaste

 

 

Where I Am From

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I was inspired by another blogger, who was also inspired by another blogger to write this poem https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/27803114/posts/14256. I loved his poem and wondered how I would describe mine so I gave it a try. I love poetry; how it resonates with you at a time and place in your life and how it expresses our feelings. I used to love to write poetry and songs when I was a teen; always inspired by love, either the one I felt or the one I longed for. Poetry has a way to connect us to the soul, like a mosaic of words that although soundless and colourless has melody and colour.

This poem was also inspired by my mother and my two younger sisters in this photo from 1995. They understood and felt the words as the story line is part theirs. This is the beauty of siblings  and even those best friends who we grown so close with and shared so much of our history, dreams, hopes and fears. Because of the stories and their ties to that place or the individuals that play a role in it there will always be a bond. A bond that I find indestructible regardless of the times you may have disconnected through the course of life -a bond that gets stronger over time. I dedicate this poem to my sisters.

Title: Where I Am From

 

I’m from mangos and palm trees

red earth and rivers

mountains and seas

 

I’m from lonely mothers

sweat and sun kissed skin

singing roosters and bedtime melancholy

morning coffee and a hint of honey

 

I’m from boroughs

fast cars and slow days

lost hopes and finding new ways

thrills and adventure always awaits

 

I’m from guitar sounds

rhythm of the conga and maracas

high energy and deep soul

 

Searching for lost words

lost in translation

searching for new ways

until my heart is safe and it can stay

 

True and Unconditional Love

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Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Trusting the path and surrendering is the hardest thing you may have to do in life. But when you have faith and trust in the Lord you will not fear as you know you are being guided by his divine energy. We may forget him at times and only call unto him when we need him but rest assure that he is always there. The power within me comes from a source, a source that is connected by higher energy of love. When I am connected to love I am connected to God. In his spirit I am renewed every time my soul is in need and every time I ask. He always comes through for me and lets me know he is there and how much he cares.

You don’t have to walk alone as his energy is available for all that want to connect with him. His love is immense and so deep, he forgives us all even when we forget him –always open for you, always available to you. That is true unconditional love.

 

Revolucion Cafe

IMG_2557.jpgDuring my travel to Portland Oregon I visited many cafes but this one was particularly special. I happen to run into it walking by the area, although I later found out it’s actually one of the top 10 cafes in Portland. I was so excited when I opened the door and noticed the artistic colored walls, and that it was a Latin café and not like one I have seen before. The walls were a bright orange and there were bright pink Mexican paper banners, dolls and veladora candles in a very electric blue that adorned the windows. The food was also very specific to the Mexican culture as they served Mexican coffee, tamales, empanadas and tostadas of jamon y queso (ham and cheese), as well as delicious desserts like arroz con leche, flan and tres leches. I enjoyed a tostada of ham and cheese and coffee. I couldn’t help myself and tried the arroz con leche too -everything was delicious.

I was captivated by the picture wall and decided to sit in the little nook to drink my coffee and eat my tostada while I worked. The wall show-cased images of Che Guevara, Fidel Castro, Ghandi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, and as a newest member Malala among other revolutionary and civil rights leaders. As the hours went by I stopped the lady in cafe and asked her a question about the areas of the Latino community, she seemed like the owner and I noticed an image that looked like her in a flyer by the register that read Maria for County Commissioner. I wasn’t really sure although she reminded me of Frida. She was very polite and welcoming, she actually sat with me and we conversed for a little while. I told her I was traveling and where from. We spoke about the different areas of Latin communities in Portland and the surrounding neighborhoods. She was very pleasant to be around and made me feel like I was someone she already knew. We exchanged names and I told her I’ll come back when I am in town.

As I wrote in my diary of my day’s experiences, I thought to look her up and found her page MariaforMultinomah. This is where I read her story and why she’s running for County Commissioner. The issues she stands for and how she works with the community through her advocacy programs to be a voice and raise awareness for the diversity and art of the Latin community. Her involvement and passion on the issues is very true and dear to her and is why she works to help bridge the gap on health care, employment, justice and legal rights for the Latino community. She is truly an inspiration and I love how she uses art to connect the Latin community with other areas of Portland. She seemed like your every day normal small business owner, serving and taking care of her customers while on the side she is trying to make a impact in the world and runs for County Commissioner.  I thought this was very heroic and I felt compelled to write about it.

I don’t get involved in politics much but people and women like Maria are so inspiring to me, just to see how regardless of what you do in your everyday life there is always a way to help others and stand for what you believe in to make difference in the world. We may not have the calling to run for county Commissioner but you can always lead by example, raise awareness for your rights and the rights of others while spreading a little love and color -being a light rather than a shadow. I particularly think that we don’t have to be front and center to do good and stand for what’s right, we can support people like Maria, raise awareness of the issues by talking about it and educating others -lending a helping hand to a person in need. One act of kindness can change a persons life forever.

https://www.mariaformultnomah.com/about-maria

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Mastering Self-Confidence

I don’t pretend to know it all because I don’t, in fact I know very little of most things.  I talk about this stuff because I struggle with it. Yes, I have been able to calm down my mind chatter and no longer experience the hot flashes, tingling hands and shortness of breath but I am far from mastery. I still have sticky notes around my apartment and bathroom mirror to remind myself of how amazing and strong I am. I still have huge fears of failure and things not working out for me. I just no longer avoid going there –exploring and talking about my feelings to make it seem like I am some perfect human who always has their shit together. I struggle every freaking day to be present and show up as my best self –and I must say I am getting pretty good at it.

The mastery is in the practice and dedication we put into the things we really want to accomplish. Inner peace has finally showed up for me. I been working on this one for months and it finally decided to show up. I like her—the new me; she’s calmer, more relaxed, kinder, more compassionate, more open-minded and she is definitely happier. I love her vibe and I love being around her. She is bright, airy, hopeful, and unapologetic. She doesn’t care what others think of her or how others perceive her because inside it feels warm and comfortable.

So, yeah –that’s what self-confidence is for me and this is exactly how you find it; you take some much needed time off to work and reflect on yourself, you dig deep and take inventory of how you show up. Clear up some feelings, de-clutter from old habits, distorted beliefs, people and things that are no longer serving you so that you can start liking the girl inside. Once you realize that you don’t need anyone’s approval other than yourself, your start to believe in your abilities and power to live life from a happier and healthier place.

Ask yourself – how much do I really like myself? Am I someone I would like to meet? Am I someone I would like to hang out with? If you know, you are great and you have all these amazing qualities but there are some things that just are not of your liking, figure out the feeling that’s related to this self-doubt and get familiar with it. Then figure out if there are thoughts related to this feeling, are these thoughts positive or negative? If they’re negative, which they usually are, ask yourself what message are they sending my brain.

Negative thoughts are part of our subconscious brain, meaning we have been telling ourselves these thoughts for a very long time and is so ingrained in us that it just happens without us really thinking about it. Something happened to us along the way –in our childhood and our developing ages that we perceived as a fear. It could be shame, could be embarrassment, or something we were taught by our parents and guides that led us to believe that we couldn’t do something or that we weren’t good enough. This is our fears manifesting as our inner critic, always shaming, always trying to hold us back from something that we really want.

We need to become aware of this inner critic or as Melissa Ambrosini calls it in her book your inner mean girl. The thoughts we tell ourselves sometimes we would never tell others, not even our worst enemy. We could be so mean, unkind and unloving towards our-self that it holds us back from experiencing life and being happy. If the voice is in your head we must examine it to see what it’s really telling us. The voice that you really want to listen to comes from inside and is usually kind, nice and pure.

And Then it Happens

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And then it happens… One day you wake up, and you’re in this place. You’re in this place where everything feels right. Your heart is calm. Your soul is lit. Your thoughts are positive. Your vision is clear. You are at peace, at peace with where you are, at peace with where you were, at peace with where you’ve been, at peace with what you’ve been through and at peace with where you are headed.

Anonymous