I always thought of self-confidence from the outside. I thought you showed you were confident by how you looked, carried yourself, your education, the circle of people you hung around, the car you drove, the house you had and the material things you owned. I was so concern with the outside and how others perceived me. and I always looked for outside approval. Personality wise others would say I am optimistic, gregarious, loving and caring person but I never believed I was all that great. I thought I wasn’t enough, I have not achieved enough, something that I wanted to do was too much for me so I settled in my goals, my jobs and my relationships. I had to let go of my old patterns and conditioning to connect with who I really am. The last two years have been of significant growth for me as I have been maturing into more of the woman I want to be who is ultimately my true self.
My journey through healing and letting go of what was holding me back to find my true self has not been easy. The traumas we face and have to overcome will take us to places that is not easy to travel to but a work that we must do to repair from the ground up. It has taken many sessions of therapy, self-reflection and meditation practices to understand not only myself but the world around me. It consistently takes a lot of practice to change habits and mindsets that were wrong and distorted from how I viewed myself and others. We go through something that completely changes us and shifts us to a deeper understanding and awareness of oneself. Usually a health issue, a loss of a love one or in my case divorce and heart break. Like many in our journey, we come to a place where we start to question life, relationships and our place in this earth –hopefully on a journey to self-discovery to grow more into the person that we want to be and to a higher level of consciousness and maturity. I felt like I have been living under a rock all this time –this is probably how most people feel when they come to this stage of maturing and awareness. Once I learned what my purpose in life was and how I can tune in to myself for guidance its like I have found secret that I want to share with the world.
We are all beautiful and unique beings put in this earth for a reason. Walking our path and hopefully leaving something behind that can help someone along the way. We each have the right to love, be loved and live a happy and fulfilling lives and if we are not there is really one person to blame and that’s yourself. Yes it takes commitment, like everything in life but how beautiful is that to commit to yourself for once -that we look for answers within rather than outside of us. I have been committing myself to people and relationships that left me feeling empty. I was taught to just give, and yes giving feels great but I never received as much as I gave and there was a deficit inside that only I could fill.
It was time for me to take control of my life, of what I wanted, how I wanted to live it, and how I wanted to be treated. Until we do this we will continue through life confused, hurt and at the mercy of what happens in our life. I want other women and girls to believe in themselves to let go of their negative blocks and false ideas so they can love themselves and have the confidence to share who they really are. I hope that by telling my story I can inspire others to look within and get in touch with their true beauty. A little inspiration goes a long way, believe me because I have been inspired by so many through my journey. I hope you know that we are all beautiful at every stage and in every way. That you are unique and beautiful and you don’t need to be anything other than yourself.
“The journey isn’t about becoming a different person, but loving who you are right now.”