I don’t pretend to know it all because I don’t, in fact I know very little of most things. I talk about this stuff because I struggle with it. Yes, I have been able to calm down my mind chatter and no longer experience the hot flashes, tingling hands and shortness of breath but I am far from mastery. I still have sticky notes around my apartment and bathroom mirror to remind myself of how amazing and strong I am. I still have huge fears of failure and things not working out for me. I just no longer avoid going there –exploring and talking about my feelings to make it seem like I am some perfect human who always has their shit together. I struggle every freaking day to be present and show up as my best self –and I must say I am getting pretty good at it.
The mastery is in the practice and dedication we put into the things we really want to accomplish. Inner peace has finally showed up for me. I been working on this one for months and it finally decided to show up. I like her—the new me; she’s calmer, more relaxed, kinder, more compassionate, more open-minded and she is definitely happier. I love her vibe and I love being around her. She is bright, airy, hopeful, and unapologetic. She doesn’t care what others think of her or how others perceive her because inside it feels warm and comfortable.
So, yeah –that’s what self-confidence is for me and this is exactly how you find it; you take some much needed time off to work and reflect on yourself, you dig deep and take inventory of how you show up. Clear up some feelings, de-clutter from old habits, distorted beliefs, people and things that are no longer serving you so that you can start liking the girl inside. Once you realize that you don’t need anyone’s approval other than yourself, your start to believe in your abilities and power to live life from a happier and healthier place.
Ask yourself – how much do I really like myself? Am I someone I would like to meet? Am I someone I would like to hang out with? If you know, you are great and you have all these amazing qualities but there are some things that just are not of your liking, figure out the feeling that’s related to this self-doubt and get familiar with it. Then figure out if there are thoughts related to this feeling, are these thoughts positive or negative? If they’re negative, which they usually are, ask yourself what message are they sending my brain.
Negative thoughts are part of our subconscious brain, meaning we have been telling ourselves these thoughts for a very long time and is so ingrained in us that it just happens without us really thinking about it. Something happened to us along the way –in our childhood and our developing ages that we perceived as a fear. It could be shame, could be embarrassment, or something we were taught by our parents and guides that led us to believe that we couldn’t do something or that we weren’t good enough. This is our fears manifesting as our inner critic, always shaming, always trying to hold us back from something that we really want.
We need to become aware of this inner critic or as Melissa Ambrosini calls it in her book your inner mean girl. The thoughts we tell ourselves sometimes we would never tell others, not even our worst enemy. We could be so mean, unkind and unloving towards our-self that it holds us back from experiencing life and being happy. If the voice is in your head we must examine it to see what it’s really telling us. The voice that you really want to listen to comes from inside and is usually kind, nice and pure.